Why Feeling Relieved After Winter Break Doesn’t Make You a Bad Parent: Insights from a Therapist in Bel Air, MD
Social media can be a blessing and a curse. You can keep up with your loved ones, watch kids grow up with pictures shared from various families, and feel connected to your community. Social media also contributes to feelings of shame and guilt. Looking at posts of other moms enjoying their holidays with their children with their matching PJs and perfect dinner arrangements. This can lead to mothers feeling not good enough because they are unable to give their children these material things or maybe their mental capacity does not allow for the energy to put towards all the holiday festivities.
During the winter break, many parents are navigating disrupted routines, increased responsibilities, and heightened expectations to make the season “magical.” When school resumes, a sense of relief often sets in, quieter mornings, predictable schedules, and space to breathe again. Yet for many mothers, that relief is quickly followed by guilt and shame. Thoughts like “Why am I so happy they’re back in school?” or “Does this mean I’m a bad parent?” begin to surface.
As a therapist in Bel Air, MD, I want to be clear: feeling relieved does not mean you love your children any less. In fact, it often means your nervous system is recovering from weeks of overextension. Let’s take a closer look at why these emotions show up and how to respond to them with compassion rather than criticism.
What Is Depleted Mother Syndrome?
Depleted Mother Syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis, but it describes a very real experience many mothers face, especially after prolonged periods of caregiving without adequate rest, support, or personal time. It refers to a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that builds when a mother consistently puts her own needs aside to care for others.
During winter break, children are home more often, routines are disrupted, and parents may be juggling work, childcare, household responsibilities, and holiday obligations all at once. Even joyful moments require energy, planning activities, managing emotions, resolving sibling conflict, and being emotionally present. Over time, this constant demand can leave mothers feeling depleted.
Signs of depletion may include:
Feeling easily overwhelmed or irritable
Emotional numbness or detachment
Difficulty enjoying things that once felt rewarding
Increased fatigue, even after rest
A longing for quiet, structure, or time alone
None of these signs indicate failure. They indicate that your body and mind are signaling a need for restoration. Relief when routines return is often the first sign that your system is beginning to recalibrate.
Why Do Holidays Make Me Feel Guilty?
Holidays carry heavy emotional and cultural expectations. We’re told this should be the “most wonderful time of the year,” filled with gratitude, connection, and meaningful moments. For mothers especially, there’s often an unspoken belief that they are responsible for creating these experiences — emotionally, logistically, and energetically.
Social media intensifies this pressure. Scrolling through images of themed breakfasts, coordinated outfits, and smiling families can create a distorted sense of what the holidays are supposed to look like. Rarely do we see the exhaustion, stress, or meltdowns happening behind the scenes. When your reality doesn’t match those images, guilt can take hold.
Additionally, holidays disrupt the routines that often help both children and parents feel regulated. Later bedtimes, increased sugar, crowded schedules, and less downtime can lead to overstimulation. When the break ends and school resumes, the relief you feel is not a sign that you didn’t enjoy time with your children. It’s a sign that structure and predictability support your well-being.
Guilt arises when relief clashes with the belief that you should want constant togetherness. In reality, needing breaks is a normal part of healthy attachment, not a sign of emotional distance.
What Is Mother Guilt Syndrome?
Mother guilt, sometimes referred to as “mom guilt”, is the persistent feeling that you are not doing enough or not doing things “right.” While not a formal diagnosis, it’s a deeply ingrained emotional experience shaped by societal expectations, cultural narratives, and internalized beliefs about motherhood.
From a young age, many women absorb messages that good mothers are selfless, endlessly patient, and fulfilled solely through caregiving. These ideals leave little room for human limits, emotional complexity, or personal needs. When a mother experiences frustration, fatigue, or relief at time apart from her children, guilt often follows.
Mother guilt may sound like:
“I should be more grateful.”
“Other moms handle this better than I do.”
“I shouldn’t need a break.”
“My kids deserve more from me.”
It’s important to understand that guilt is an emotional response not evidence of wrongdoing. It often reflects unrealistic standards rather than actual harm. Recognizing this can be a powerful first step toward healing.
Does Mom Guilt Ever Go Away?
Many mothers ask whether mom guilt ever truly disappears. The honest answer is that it may not vanish entirely, but it can become quieter, less frequent, and less controlling. With awareness and support, guilt no longer has to dictate your decisions or self-worth.
One of the most helpful shifts is learning to differentiate between guilt that’s rooted in your values versus guilt that’s rooted in unrealistic expectations. For example, if your guilt arises because you acted in a way that conflicts with your personal values, it can serve as useful information. However, guilt based on comparison or perfectionism often does more harm than good.
Over time, many mothers learn to reframe relief as a sign of emotional attunement rather than detachment. Wanting structure, rest, and personal space does not mean you don’t enjoy your children, it means you’re human. As self-compassion grows, guilt tends to loosen its grip.
How to Conquer Shame and Guilt as a Mother
Shame thrives in silence. When mothers believe they’re alone in these feelings, shame deepens. Addressing guilt and shame requires gentle curiosity and intentional self-compassion.
Here are some therapeutic strategies that can help:
1. Name the Emotion Without Judgment
Instead of criticizing yourself for feeling relieved or guilty, simply acknowledge the emotion. Saying “I notice guilt is coming up” creates space between you and the feeling.
2. Question the Source of the Guilt
Ask yourself where the expectation is coming from. Is it aligned with your values, or is it based on comparison or external pressure?
3. Reframe Relief as Regulation
Relief often signals that your nervous system is settling. This is a biological response, not a moral one.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Talk to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend. You would not shame another mother for needing rest — you deserve the same kindness.
5. Embrace Realistic Motherhood
Children benefit from caregivers who model balance, boundaries, and emotional honesty. Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of them.
These practices don’t eliminate guilt overnight, but they help reduce its intensity and power over time.
Are You Looking for a Therapist to Help With Mommy Guilt?
Chenelle Ellie, LCSW-C- Therapist in Bel Air, MD
If feelings of guilt, shame, or depletion are interfering with your well-being, therapy can be a supportive and transformative space. Working with a therapist allows you to explore the origins of these emotions, challenge unhelpful beliefs, and develop coping strategies that align with your values and needs.
As a therapist in Bel Air, MD, I work with mothers navigating burnout, guilt, identity shifts, and the emotional weight of caregiving. Therapy is not about becoming a “perfect” parent. It’s about becoming a more supported, grounded, and self-compassionate one.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by parenting expectations or stuck in cycles of guilt, reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness. It’s a step toward healing for you and your family.